Dating now feels like window shopping. Swipe, scroll, unmatch. Everyone’s browsing, and only a few are buying. So many people say they want love – but deep down, they’re scared of it. Not the romance, but what comes after: commitment.
This fear has a name: gamophobia. And it’s more common than we admit.
What Commitment Fear Feels Like
A woman in her early 30s opened up:
“After experiencing heartbreak, my biggest fears around commitment include: getting hurt again, losing my independence, struggling to open up, repeating toxic patterns, and trust issues from the past. I’m a lover girl. I fall too hard. When it doesn’t work out, it shatters me. I already find it hard to trust any guy who comes my way.”
That’s not fear of love. That’s fear of loss, control, and repeating pain.
A woman in her 20s added:
“I fear losing my freedom – someone invading my space. For reserved people who cherish solitude, the idea of sharing your life and space with someone forever can feel very uncomfortable.”
Why Men Also Avoid Commitment
Tope, 27, shared:
“It’s easier to stay guarded when you know people are only in it for what they can get. No mutuality – just materialism. So, you learn to enjoy the moment, nothing more.”
Another man in his 30s said:
“It’s tough giving up the freedom to travel without a deadline or to live wherever I want, whenever I choose. But at some point, we all have to settle down.”
Why Is Gamophobia on the Rise?
1. The Fear of “What If There’s Someone Better?”
When your dating pool feels endless, it’s easy to believe there’s always someone taller, funnier, richer, or better at making pancakes. The illusion of infinite options can makes commitment feel like settling.
2. Fear of Failure or Divorce
Watching broken marriages among celebrities, your parents, or your friends plants a seed of doubt. What if your love story flops too?
3. Loss of Control Over Resources
Sharing finances, goals, even leisure time? Terrifying. Some view commitment as giving up control instead of gaining partnership.
4. Fear of Losing Independence
Compromise sounds noble until it means trading your solo lifestyle for a Netflix-and-cuddle routine.
The Hidden Cost of Gamophobia
This isn’t just about relationships. Fear of commitment affects more than your love life – it hits your emotional, mental, and even physical health:
- Chronic relationship instability
- Emotional isolation
- Self-sabotage
- Deep trust issues
- Regret and “what-if” syndrome
- Anxiety and overthinking
- Fear of vulnerability
- Delayed emotional growth
- Idealising the “perfect partner”
- Strained family ties and friendships
- Missed chances for real connection
- Higher risk of STDs from unsteady intimacy
Common Signs of Relationship Anxiety
- Overthinking every message
- Distrusting affection
- Avoiding labels or real conversations
- Ghosting when it gets serious
- Equating love with losing identity
- Comparing people to a fantasy that doesn’t exist
People pull away not because they don’t care – but because they’re scared of how much they do.
How to Overcome Gamophobia
This isn’t a checklist. It’s a shift in how you see love and yourself.
1. Lay the right foundation.
Your fear is reasonable, so address it by defining what a healthy relationship mean to you. Read Finding Depth for Lasting Relationships: 5 Questions to Ask and Intentional Relationship: How to Win in the Dating Scene.
2. Ditch perfection.
Every relationship is messy and beautiful in its own way. Perfect isn’t real. Connection is.
3. Think partnership, not prison.
The right person doesn’t clip your wings. They help you fly straighter.
4. Let the past stay in the past.
What hurt you then doesn’t have to own what heals you now.
5. Go slow.
You don’t have to jump in. But don’t stay stuck. Talk. Try. Trust—just a little at a time.
6. Focus on what you gain.
Support. Stability. Someone in your corner. Real connection isn’t a loss—it’s a win.
What’s Your Fear Around Commitment?
Gamophobia is real. But so is the peace that comes with giving someone a real chance. No masks. No panic exits. Just honesty.
So, what’s your biggest fear about commitment? Are you married? How did you overcome gamophobia?
